Vegans! What’s wrong with some of you!? There is no time to waste defending against sheer insanity. The facts are overwhelmingly on your side so act like it.
- Judgmental Vegans: Don’t pretend to NOT be judgmental. It’s okay. What human character trait is more judgement worthy than someone who tortures animals? If you saw someone torturing a puppy, isn’t judgement warranted? I guess you could try to be polite and say, “Excuse me, have you thought about not torturing that puppy?” They will most likely reply, “Don’t tell me how to live my life you judgmental asshole.” Then just nod and say, “You’re right, continue torturing that little tiny defenseless dog, sorry for not keeping my judgement to myself.”
- Annoying vegans that won’t shut up about it: What else is there to talk about? If your child was torturing animals in the yard everyday wouldn’t you, as good parents, talk about the little psychopath that you’re raising pretty much all the time until you got them to stop? Also, don’t worry that it’s annoying. How could telling someone that they torture animals NOT be annoying? When people tell me stuff that I know I should change I am usually annoyed. How dare they tell me something so obvious even though I’m not ready to change my behavior so stop reminding me to be a better person asshole. Lastly, try to only be annoying in a fact-based productive way. Results are the goal, being annoying is not, although often unavoidable, so perseverance is key.
- Vegans who push their views on others: Why in the world would vegans not do everything in their power to stop you from torturing animals. That doesn’t make any sense. It’s a full scale non-violent war against systematic systemic violence perpetrated by the vast majority of everyone you know. Push your god damn views down their god damn f’in throats, in a nice way of course. Also know your facts. The facts are so horrific that there is no need to exaggerate, inflate stats or ignore inconsistencies. Study hard.
- Vegans are self righteous pricks who think they are better than everyone else: Remember, people have set the bar so low it’s nearly impossible to not be better than them. But people get defensive about this kind of thing. The goal is results, not to rub people’s faces in it. Keep in mind that you aren’t that great. Not torturing animals is the minimum requirement for being a decent person. The goal is simply to help people not be psychopath monsters. And yes, being humble and living by example does work, but people are still going to think you’re being self righteous anyway or find another excuse to keep doing what they’re doing. So just don’t worry about it.
- Vegans should focus on human issues: Agreed. Remember no one is arguing this. We all agree. People only reference this trite platitude to deflect and excuse their own behavior. There is no logic to this so it’s not worth debating. Ask yourself, are any of them working to solve the human rights issues they care so much about? Are they too busy posting a meme (about something they didn’t cause and most likely are not going to solve) that they can’t make a meal choice that doesn’t involve animal torture? So politely remind people who say such absurd things, that not only are they NOT solving the problems they care so deeply about, those problems aren’t directly their fault. This one is.
- Bonus: Vegans are fanatics that have an agenda: Yes and it’s okay. I tell everyone about my very extreme fanatical hard-line agenda to not torture animals all the time. It’s best to be honest about this kind of radical thinking, so when you continually try and force your fundamentalist non-torture agenda on them they can have ample time to think about ways why it’s okay to torture animals or make jokes to deflect or just leave to carry on torturing in the peace of their own home with their likeminded family and friends.